


Equals in Doubt

by SylverFletcher



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Chat Noir Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Light Angst, Self-Doubt, and ladybug relates, basically it actually gets to him how much the writers have made him useless lately, he tries to quit, possible spoilers for later in season two, references the origins episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 23:59:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16459574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylverFletcher/pseuds/SylverFletcher
Summary: Chat Noir is disheartened by the recent string of his own personal failures as a hero, thinking Ladybug would be better off without him.Ladybug can't erase the self doubt from his mind. But she can tell him that she's been through it, too.





	Equals in Doubt

The city, its shining lights branching out as far as the eye could see. The sky above, glistening with stars even through the light pollution below, filling the heavens with glimmering sparkles. Even the world, all around, glistened with life and shined with beauty, in a way that nothing else could and yet everything at the same time together was what gave it its allure.

Blue eyes wide, seeing all of it and yet so little, flitted back and forth over the skyline, as if the more she looked around the more she’d be able to register to memory. Underneath her body, the roof edge she sat atop was a pleasant cool, muted by the thick magic of her suit. For a moment, or perhaps several, she forgot what she was waiting for. She forgot she was waiting at all.

At least, until a voice broke her wondrous reverie, and she only relaxed more at the sound of it rather than startling. “Nice night tonight, huh?” He practically breathed, as if speaking too loudly would shatter the scene. Little did she know, though, that no amount of volume control could stop that from happening.

“Mmm.” She only hummed in affirmation, and leaned her head to one side, shifting away a bit and patting the tile beside her. A silent invitation, one always swiftly and silently accepted. “I could watch the city glow like this forever.”

Her partner said nothing, though, and it took her a moment to realize he had not sat beside her. It was then that she felt the tension in the air, the brooding, stifling feeling of negative emotions that couldn’t quite be entirely contained no matter how hard their owner tried. Stiffening, she turned, and trained a wary eye on him.

Chat only stood above her, still as a statue and just as silent. His eyes gazed out over their city, his expression a practiced mask, but the hard set of his jaw gave him away. Something was wrong, something he wanted to brush off and hide and get over on his own, but couldn’t, and she knew then that he needed her.

She gathered her feet under her and stood, one smooth and graceful movement, rising to her full height that still wasn’t enough to cut off his stubborn line of sight with anything but her. A red gloved hand reached out, and he didn’t stop her from resting it flush on his upper arm. “What’s the matter?”

Finally, his bright green eyes trailed down from the city and onto her face, searching for something. For what, she didn’t know. But then he spoke.

“I’ve been thinking.”

He said no more, and she gave a light squeeze and hummed after a moment, a near silent request for him to continue. A few more moments, and he sighed, and looked away.

“I’m going to resign as your partner. I’m giving up my Miraculous.”

If she expected anything, it wasn’t that. A chill ran down her spine, a cool breath of disbelief. She didn’t even hear herself when her mouth fell open and she gasped out, “No.”

Chat pulled away then, turning his back on her and taking a ragged breath, wrenching his arm from her tightened grip in the process.  “I have to, I can’t, I can’t do this anymore.” He choked out after a moment longer, his composure breaking more by the second. If he were looking her way, she was sure she’d see tears in his green eyes.

Holding as much composure as she could, she approached again, and put her hand back on his shoulder. She was in disbelief, she was scared, and she drew on her hero side to stamp down the anxiety and  _ be there _ like he needed. As such, it was her unwavering Ladybug voice that came out when she said “Talk to me, Chat. Tell me what’s wrong and we’ll fix it.”

It may have been the wrong move. He tensed under her touch again, shifting just enough to break her hold, and turned his head to the side to catch her in one slitted green eye. She was right, it was glistening with unshed tears, but narrowed in frustration at the same time.

“No. No, it’s not that easy. It’s as simple as just, fixing it, and there is no ‘we’ about it.” He broke eye contact, looking toward the ground in shame. “Besides, you’ve already done everything. I’m the one that can’t fix anything, no matter what I do.”

“Chat, just tell me. What is it you think you can’t do?”

He turned to face her fully, letting his frustration bleed away in resignation. “I can’t do anything. I can’t  _ help _ you. I’m no good to you, no use. I only get in your way.” He explained, a pure blanket of sadness encompassing his entire being, as if fully believing every word out of his mouth and loathing the skewed truth in his mind.

“What? No!” She disagreed immediately. Her hero persona crumbled some, letting through some of the searing emotion she was dealing with herself, her voice desperate. “You’re never like that. I need you.”

“I’ve failed you and had absolutely nothing to do with saving the day for the past  _ several _ akumas. It’s been all on you, or you had to get someone else to help, because I can’t.”

“Chat, listen--”

But he continued on right over her, clinging to his point, trying to make her see it. “Anansi. Malediktator. Style Queen. Even with Sandboy, my fears literally tried to kill you. No matter what it is, or what I try, I end up either completely useless or even an obstacle for you, at this point every single time. You can’t even tell me where the Guardian is, or where all these other Miraculouses keep coming from, or anything about any of this, and I honestly wouldn’t tell me either with my track record. I’d screw up and give it all away in an instant, and I’d be the sole cause of our entire defeat and everything we believed in. in the beginning, I was fine. But now, they keep getting stronger, and I can’t keep up. I’m dragging you down and I’m going to be the reason you lose one of these days.”

Once he’d gotten started, the words wouldn’t stop, tumbling from him like dying leaves on an autumn day. She was stunned into silence, not knowing what to say, as he laid bare all of his insecurities. With a dry, self deprecating laugh, he continued.

“I can’t even keep up with you, my own partner. I get now why you don’t like me the same way I do you, you’re everything I’m not and you’re completely out of my league. If I was you, I wouldn’t be able to like me that way, either. But that doesn’t stop me from being petty about it, while you’re just trying to keep Paris from falling, and that’s just another reason along with the plethora of others that I need to grow up, make the better choice, and stop hindering you by trying to prove I’m something I’m not.”

With that, his words seem to have bled dry, as he stared back at her silently waiting for a reaction. An agreement, or her blessing for him to leave for good, because even now he still just wanted her approval. As he stood still, watching her, tears were streaming down his cheeks, unbidden.

Instead of reacting, though, she took a deep breath, and turned away. His heart sank, immediately thinking rejection, but she didn’t leave. Her hands met behind her back, and she inclined her head toward the stars again. When she spoke, the hero voice was gone, but so was the cracking emotion. No, the only thing in her voice was  _ her _ , the person she was deep inside.

“When I first got the Ladybug Miraculous,” She started, her voice soft and warm all at once, the kind of voice you’d use for a cornered animal. It caught Chat’s attention at once, his tears slowing on their own and his black ears flicking up to hang on her every word. With just her tone alone, she had him enraptured. “I thought it was a mistake. I tried, I did, but nothing I did was right. Everything I tried, just went wrong. Even when I thought I finally did it, I messed up, and it became worse than it started, and it was all my fault. I was never meant to be a hero, and I never would be. No one was safe in my hands when I couldn’t even take care of myself. So… I knew what I had to do. I resigned, and I gave my Miraculous away.”

_ “What?” _ Chat practically hissed, and she looked back at him. Those ears were flat, his eyes huge. She just nodded, smiling sadly at him.

“I did. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t good enough.”

“But,” His brows furrowed, his gaze searching her face. “But you did, you’re here now.”

“Yeah.” Nodding again, she turned back to face the city lights. “I was watching the destruction, the mess I’d caused. My best friend was being attacked by one of the stone monsters, crying out for help, with no one around to save her. The rest of the city was the same, I think. People all over, either as monsters or being attacked by them, desperately needing someone to help them and still believing that Ladybug would save the day before they even knew her. I had given up my Miraculous, but the mess was my fault, and I was about to see my friend die because I wasn’t good enough, and because I had run away because of it. I knew, then, that I had to stay and do everything I could to be someone I wasn’t, because I’d been given the responsibility to, whether I was capable or not.”

Ladybug turned to face her partner, then. His tears were mere dried tracks on his cheeks at this point, openly staring in shock at her.

“I’m no hero. I was never meant to be, and I still don’t feel like one even as everyone does nothing but praise me. Every decision could be the wrong one, the first mistake could be the last. The entire city rests on me, and whether or not I can do things I can’t. Even the other Miraculous holders look up to me, as if I’m all powerful and above them, as if I have no weakness. To them, I’m perfect. And when someone sees you as perfect, you can’t rely on them to support you when you’re not. The only people you can fall to when you fail, are your equals.”

She reached out a hand.

“So, do you  _ really _ think I could do it without you?”

  
  
  


He took her hand.

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno man I wrote this at like five am with writer's block, it feels stiff but I don't know how to fix it so here it is. I just wanted to acknowledge how Chat is probably feeling since those recent episodes, the way the writers seem to be ignoring right now


End file.
